Ready or Not

Ready or Not, in about 10-12 more weeks another baby will be born into our lives.

I feel greatly unprepared for her to arrive.  I feel nervous already about going through labor for the 3rd time.  I feel tired just thinking about nighttime around our house.  Will I ever sleep again?  How will I care for a newborn and a 22 month old who still needs me at night when he wakes up?  How will I have energy to function or even make meals to feed everyone? And the grocery store... oh I break into a sweat just thinking about 3 kids at the grocery store.

And her arrival will also signal the beginning of winter here.  Winter that lasts until May.  Oh my.

Lots of things on my mind...

• Re-arranging rooms - where to put all of these pink and purple clothes?? Bows and clips and frilly hats... Boys stuff is waaay easier.
• Organizing the office downstairs before it overtakes the basement.  It's like the endless blob of mess.  We have ignored it long enough and it needs to be dealt with... BEFORE November.
• A name for our baby girl... we have nothing.
• Pictures and albums need to be started and organized... that's another holy mess.
• Catch up on Paul's baby book- yeah, I'm like a year behind.
• Work on Children's Pre-K class and nursery volunteer schedule for church- I'm hoping to work my way out of teaching the Pre-K on Sunday mornings.  I just won't be able to do that with a new baby... I can barely handle it now.
• Thoughts on homeschooling? Praying for wisdom on the right decision to make.  Josiah has 2 more years before he starts kindergarten.
• Teaching Josiah pre-school stuff.  It's so expensive to send him to pre-school, but I feel overwhelmed with not knowing what to teach him. I have no idea where to start or what to do, he's such a quick learner... and how to juggle that and 2 other kids?
• Thoughts on having to go back to work to keep my nursing license active.  Feeling of dread associated with that.  I just want to be a mom and take care of my family and not have to worry about working right now.  What to do?
• So many people to reach out to, I feel burdened to invest in so many lives, so many who need to be shown the Love of our Father... but I feel stretched so thin sometimes.  How to balance it all without feeling guilty when you have to say no because there just isn't enough time or energy?
• Desiring to spend more time with my Abba Father, but I don't.  Sleep, tiredness, busyness, all overtake me.  Leading to a feeling of internal chaos.... Hence, all of the above...

My pregnancy brain is on overdrive, filled with worry and uncertainty about things that are really out of my control.

Control... that's really what it's all about.  I try so hard to "control" how I think things should turn out, but in reality, it's when I lift up my hands and say, "Here Lord, I can't do this on my own, I desperately need you to take this stuff and shift my focus on You."  That's when I feel free of these burdens in my mind, knowing that He is in control and I have hope waiting on Him for wisdom and guidance as He helps me deal with the chaos.

Lamentations 3:25-33 (The Message) 

"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, 
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope, 
quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.

Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard."

To sum it up, when worry clouds your mind God says:

1. Go off by yourself
2. Enter the silence and stop talking
3. Bow in prayer-only say what matters
4. Wait for hope
5. Don’t run away-even when that’s the easy choice